Laugh lines around my eyes – Smile please!

Some well-meaning relatives in my life have only one ambition to execute this year. They tell me that they can’t wait to shop like crazy for my wedding. And that, they are getting old and might not be agile enough to perform all the wedding-related chores by the time I actually do get married. Therefore, I have been told to seriously consider their plea.

Thirty and not a sign of settling down, is considered a big deal in a woman’s life. My parents, thankfully, don’t make it sound as big as the rest of the people in my life do. I have started hearing their sympathetic tones lately.

So, what should I do?

There are 2 ways of sorting this out -

First - I should let my parents do the groom hunt quite actively now and happily participate in all the activities. I should let my profile flash on various matrimonial sites and carefully choose to interact with the right prospective/s. Basically, I should open myself to the route of an arranged marriage system.

Second – I should wait for Mr. Right to come into my life. A dear friend KM had once pointed out – ‘Onnu, don’t you think, you live in a fantasy world or something? How long will you just sit on this and wait for your fairytale miracle to happen to you?’

My reply was, and is still the same – For as long as it takes.   

Is there still a third way of setting this up? I am yet to discover, if there is.

In my mind, I am in no hurry to settle down. But, when I put my mind to rest for a few hours, I wake up to this harsh reality of my life - where everyone around me is screaming aloud in 3 different languages – ‘when are you getting married? Kab shaadi kar rahi ho? Aei mey, kokhon beye korchish?’

Honestly, I don’t know. I really DO NOT KNOW!

I just know one thing it will happen when the Gods up there take time out to decide upon my future. In the meantime, I can only keep my attitude as optimistic as this sales executive at the Levi’s store, who claimed that I can never outgrow the perfect 26-inch waistline! Also, as realistic as the parlour aunty who recently asked me to replace my daily skincare products with anti-aging ones. Precisely, that’s the reason why it is not tough to keep my outlook well-balanced.

And, for some other strange reason, an acquired interest in the field of Sports, is currently defining me as a person.

It’s bound to instill in me the true spirit of sportsmanship, if nothing else. 

P.S.

I love aging. It brings forth a lot of maturity, humility, fun, and some elegant laugh lines. 

When colours don’t beam

The window pane has a slew of colours, today

I cannot see outside of it anymore.

Open the door please,
Don't you hear me knocking?

Rat-tat-tat

Aren’t you familiar with the sound of this knock?

Don’t you remember you once taught me to knock?

You helped me to make this perfect sound of knock

The kind of thud that is unique and rhythmic!

I had learned this sound by heart

Thought you, too, followed the same

Why are you taking this long to open the door?

Open the door please,
Don’t you hear me knocking?

Rat-tat-tat

When you finally decide to open the door

You might not find me around, anymore

But there is one thing waiting for you to recover

From that cabinet next to your bookshelf

Your birthday gift that I missed last month

A branded box of ear waxing strips!

The November Rain

So firm was the handshake 

That it held a million promises

Much like the softness of that cold November morning  

Some soft, some firm

And the tale grew a little long

You wrote and I sang along - 'The November Song'

I believed in what you wrote

So did the thrust in my throat

Knowing your words had no meaning, no depth

I still kept singing along

I wondered when the skies wept

I wondered when the roads were wet 

I wondered what still sketched the rainbow up there!

Did you also wonder sometimes, somewhat?

The mystery of rains and the bow of colours

So fascinating it is, that it draws a vibrant bond

Unknowingly we both sing along – 'The November Song'

I, in my world. You, in your world.

And, the universal chorus in our world!

Wanted: A spermy IITian

After multiple pleading sessions, the not-so-genteel, but attractive Vicky goes inside the clinic to exactly do what he is required to do. But he couldn’t and so with a frustrated look he brings back the empty plastic jar to Dr. Chaddha. As it is, an infertility specialist played by the aging, but a supremely talented actor Annu Kapoor knew all the right tricks. So, the hero Ayushmann Khurrana aka Vicky is sent back in but this time with a stack of porn magazines and CDs/DVDs… some stimulation soon after; he returns with a dimpled smile and gives Chaddhaji a bit of his gush in the container. Thus, Vicky Arora becomes Vicky Donor and starts wanking for a living!

A film based on the subject of sperm donation could easily go misplaced and be looked down upon, but not when it has been guardedly written and handled. There are no infused cheap humours and no over-the-top nitty-gritty of the science of artificial insemination. In fact, a sensitive issue like this, is crafted into a story that's a complete entertainer and pure fun - making John Abraham’s maiden production project a sure-shot success!

Dr. Chaddha chases Vicky Arora, with a belief that this unemployed and young bloke can resurrect his clinic, because according to his research, Vicky’s great-grandfather had 19 children, and this is a reason enough for him to be a potent donor! In one of the many persuasion talks that Chaddhaji has with Vicky, he comes with this uproarious line ~ ‘Shakal dekhke bande ka sperm pechhan jata hun… Tu pure Aryan race hai… Arya putra hai b********’  So, the Arya putra thinks not to further waste his precious stream and time in searching for a suitable job, rather gets literally cracking on this, all in the lure of handsome money! 

And that was it. Vicky gets into the role and earns enough to live up to his heart’s desires. With that of course, he sires 53 kids. Life’s good for both until the donor falls in love and wants to marry a Bengali girl played by the debutant Yami Gautam. Now that is a reason to worry for Chaddhaji since the clinic was running almost on Vicky’s sperm! It might mean the downfall of the business all over again till they find another super donor like Vicky.

So, is it a new phenomenon in India? Not as per Chaddhaji…since, he cites instances from Mahabharata and makes Vicky fall into his idea.

But, much before the film released we had woken up to an advertisement posted by a Chennai couple on a website this January. Say, it created the right base ground for Vicky Donor. Maybe, yes. Or let’s believe that we trust the concept of the film even more now. Here goes the Ad before we inch a bit further -

My wife and I are looking for a suitable sperm donor for fresh In Vitro procedure very soon! Ideal candidate should be IIT student, healthy, no bad habits, tall and fair if possible but will consider the right donor regardless of looks etc. Time is of the essence, so please call asap. Compensation twenty thousand Rupees cash. Call or email ASAP. Authentic ad, we need donor within two weeks most likely. Please help us start a family filled with love and prosperity. References will be required and checked.   

Basically, an industry does exist. It might have never been spoken about in social circles that bluntly, but thousands of childless couples around us do go for the artificial method while camouflaging the whole affair. That is why even the operations of such institutes are beyond our reach and belief. The big labs do have a name but what about a host of clinics that are located in dirty bylanes of cities (like Chaddhaji’s sperm bank in the heaving Daryaganj) that are genuinely trying to bring a smile on faces of such couples. They not only search for a feasible donor but also strive hard to meet the demands of their clients… like - getting customised children with brains of IITians and then traces of Brat Pitt, Dhoni, Aishwarya, Lady Gaga, and so on. But the chances are ripe that we will not acknowledge these infertility clinics and might just term them as shady corners. Because, neither do we understand the science of such a method nor are we willing to look for an option outside adoption. And that’s a fact. 

So, when a film on such a taboo topic is fittingly made, it clears up many ambiguities and makes people aware of its treatment. Thankfully, Vicky Donor is not one of those preachy sorts that are usually turned up as issue-based. So, while you enjoy the fun side of the film, the matter grows well in the mind and hits you hard! Though it is yet to be surveyed to believe if every ejaculation fetches thousands and thousands of money making any Vicky Dicky Ricky of the street an affluent lad… from affording a big car to renovating an entire house all by the blessing of the flowing!

It’s clearly an audacious effort to make people responsive towards the option of sperm donation and it’s so sensitively written and dealt with that it never loses its luster. The Bong-Punjabi tussle rooting to the culture discrepancies is outrageously hilarious. All the characters are well sketched - the camaraderie between Vicky’s mother and the mother-in-law is so lovely and engaging.,

Juhi Chaturvedi - an Ad filmmaker, who entered Bollywood, writing this sharp, crisp, and effective story for Vicky Donor, could just be the next big thing in the writing world. As for me, I loved Shoojit Sircar’s first project – 'Yahaan' and I am totally in love with Vicky Donor too!

                        (Image : Juhi Chaturvedi and Shoojit Sarcar)

And, my moment of Vicky Donor was in the ladies' washroom, where I warily eavesdropped on an old woman (must be in her late 60s) explaining to a fine-looking young lady why it is not at all a big deal planning a baby through this method. Makers of Vicky Donor… are you listening?

Well, all I can is - Vicky Donor is a brilliant sperm of a movie! Might be heady enough to make beautiful progenies of the same genre!