My letter to the insaaf called 'Rakhi Sawant'

Dear Rakhi,

How are you doing?

Last week again dragged you into a controversy that I know you didn't want to be a part of. You so wanted all your judgments to go down well, but this time it definitely didn't, and the result was for everyone to see. Anyway, Rakhi, I shall reserve my views on this for the latter part of my letter. But first I must tell you how much I have been a fan of yours ever since your 'Pardesia yeh sach hai piya' that DJ Aqueel's remixed video (where you became a saucy nurse!) became a hit. And then, there was Mika's kiss fiasco, which made you even a bigger hit on the celluloid. Thereafter, there was no looking back for you. You - the Rakhi Sawant was made.

You are a very interesting person, Rakhi. Your so very outspoken but pointless attitude is completely fascinating. I often wonder how well you manage to say the most inane stuff in a manner that would put anybody in the hall of shame. But you are simply superb.

The other day, I was struck by how brilliantly you shoved off all the current affairs questions that were thrown at you by a leading Hindi news channel.

I mean, frankly, Rakhi, I fail to understand why they would ask you anything related to general knowledge... yes, I empathise with you wholly.

You astounded me when you took one of the most beautiful decisions of one's life right on the idiot set and made it an element of entertainment for the public to love, laugh, and hate. You decided to get married LIVE on TV and choose your husband from a flock of participants who would go all in Rakhi Sawant's tune to get your heart forever.

Did it not occur to your mind once that all this is a made-up process and perhaps no one has genuine compassion for you, I mean, in the Swayamvar - show? Yes, it did occur to you, and therefore, to my sheer faith, you didn't get married on the set.

How expected and boring it would have been, had you married the chosen guy as being laid by the Swayamvar producers... I appreciate your idea of not marrying ON-AIR but just the engagement. And anyway, how can you be known for following the anticipated path? Unpredictable, brash, and blunt - are some of your major constituents and you definitely live up to them.

But lately, I have been a little agitated with you. I obviously didn't want you to host a show (Rakhi Ka Insaaf) where you are required to pass judgments. Why Rakhi? I love your item numbers, your frank and blunt words, your plastic sensuality, and sometimes your naive remarks. But to be a judge is definitely not your forte. Don't you think that to judge such social issues, you need to have at least some basic knowledge of the judicial system?

Well, it may not be a yardstick for the makers of such shows.

I need not dig deep into your life, but you know, you have been so much in the public eye that every minute detail brings up a whole new story about you.

I have always believed that one should remain secure from within first, and then try bringing a positive change to society at large. Don't understand how much of that is true to your life.

Indeed, as they say, one is one's best judge.

Waiting to see you in some nice item songs, giving tough competition to the Munnis and Sheilas of your time.

But, do a little justice to us, just don't be a judge again in the name of entertainment.

Yours truly,

AB

P.S.

Rakhi, as you see I know a lot about you and your life and can give you honest personal advice. I would like to recommend you to hire me as your PR Consultant. Believe you me, there won't be any better 'Rakhi Ka Insaaf'.

Published on ibnlive.com

Tuesday , November 23, 2010 

Reservation, please - for men are from Mars!

I have been a regular Metro commuter for a while now and like everyone else, I, too, am euphoric by the DMRC's (Delhi Metro Rail Corporation) decision to have coaches, especially for women. What a relief it is!

The platform floors now have sticky labels in pink and white (bang on, on the colour-combo DMRC!) written 'Women Only' and 'Keval Mahilaye' - pointing to the area from where women queue up for their special service. And once in there, you are in your own 'female zone'. Certainly, not like Mumbai's local train where women are seen doing homely chores... (Yes, they do everything that they possibly can in women's only while they are taken from one corner of the city to another!)

According to the DMRC's commuter survey, one-fourth of the total commuter strength of the Metro is made up of women. So to make travelling comfortable for women - the first coach after the driver's cab in every train is women-only from now on. And, children up to 12 years - irrespective of gender, and the physically challenged are also allowed to travel in the exclusive coach.

I personally welcome this move because I have suffered as much in the congested Metro as any other female would have. But this is not the case with most male commuters. A male friend argues the need for reservations for women in every possible sphere - 'why can't they be with the rest of the male commuters while travelling, and why can't Delhi Metro add one more coach for the comfort of all instead of reserving one?' 

He might have his own points, and I don't totally disagree. But honestly, I have witnessed many such instances where a girl suddenly screams at a man - asking him to stand properly and not let his hands touch her. Also, incidents where a man flatly refuses to get up from the reserved seats for women even if asked by a female commuter to do so.

I always make it a point to not sit on those seats that are reserved for senior citizens even if the seats go unoccupied, and also try to make expectant women, and women with babies sit even if that involves making the impolite men get up from the reserved seats. 

Hopefully, you will agree with me that the angst has nothing to do with the entire mass of male commuters - almost all of them are refined, but it is for the probable few who create a bad scene and make it a torturous ride for fellow travellers.

But now, with the special 'Keval Mahilaye' there would be no more 'Bhaiya/uncle, - zara peche hatiye... zara theek se kadhe ho jiye'. (Keep at a distance... Stand properly)

Just hoping that we women don't get into any sort of cat fights in our so exclusive coach!

P.S.: Day 3 run of the women's coach was my first experience of the service. And, the comfort inside the coach was suitably apparent to each other. However, I still could spot three men inside the coach. Thinking that they are unaware of it, (maybe the proper announcements were missed... naturally!) I asked them to move to the next bogie. What I got instead was a raw reply - 'Lagta hai aap he ko pareshani ho rahi hai, Madam' (Feels like you are only being troubled, Madam)

Madam learnt not to teach much to the trespassers.

Published on ibnlive.com

Saturday , October 09, 2010 

Only if love is honoured

The past few weeks have witnessed a string of honour killing cases, with a new twist in the cases surfacing almost everyday. From Haryana to the country's capital and from newspapers' front-pages to breaking news on hourly TV bulletins.

Honour killing as we all understand it, is when a family member murders another member because it is assumed that s/he has brought disrespect or dishonour to the family.

How do such killings bring honour to the family is something not understood.

While watching Dibakar Banerjee's LSD this March, I had doubted his first segment that dealt with LOVE and honour killing (where the girl's family killed the eloped and married couple, with the father masterminding it), thinking that not many cases like this happen today and the mindset of people has transformed largely. Certainly, I was wrong. The months that followed have made this issue even more significant.

The usual problem in all these cases is same-gotra marriages (marriages within the same gotra). I was never interested in learning what gotras (clans) are and their importance in Hindu marriages...until a friend became the subject.

This friend of mine comes from a well-to-do family. She herself is doing well professionally, and so are both of her parents. She had known her boyfriend for the past few years and never hid this from her parents. Now, when they wanted to get married... the parents of both sides told the duo that since they belong to the same gotra, the marriage would not happen.

A full-on drama was almost on its way, when the duo threatened their respective parents that if marriage wouldn't materialise, they would elope and get married.

Well, as of now, the parents of both sides have agreed to the marriage, and the wedding has already been scheduled for this November.

But seriously, hasn't the outlook really changed?. Do we still follow the tradition of discouraging same-gotra marriages?

Research indicates that the maximum number of honour killings happen in the north Indian states - Haryana being the iron grip. And the only people who could have tried bringing a positive attitude among the people of Haryana were its Chief Ministers.

Unfortunately, they have only asked for amendments in the Hindu Marriage Act favouring a ban on the same-gotra marriages. Even the present CM Bhupinder Singh Hooda is against same-gotra marriages.

Also, the Khap Panchayats' (caste councils) demand that sa-gotra and same-village marriages should constitutionally be banned in the country - got full support from Congress MP from Kurukshetra, Navin Jindal (who is foreign-educated and an industrialist too) who praised them for keeping up with the tradition.

If this remains to be the state of affairs then I am sure such killings would go on endlessly... many more would be burnt alive, tortured to death and electrocuted. Sadly, the family members who are supposed to protect their children from any danger, become their biggest enemies. More such statements would make newspaper headlines - 'samaj ke liye murder zaroori tha' ~ 'murder was a requisite for the society'

What is it with the society? You have to kill your children just to save your honour in society?... As if, you save or gain more honour by killing them...  I only pity the fate of those who bravely love and get killed for it.

Perhaps, we are now ready for a special law to deal with honour killings.  

I have discussed this issue with many people, and it is very likely that if it is an arranged marriage, the parents would definitely look for someone who is not from the common lineage. The reason is something called tradition.

I guess, in that case, everyone should confirm the gotra of the other person first and then fall in love.

If playing with the purest emotion like this, gives rise to honour killings, then undoubtedly it is dishonourable and we must all condemn such belief.

After all, love can never be with - *conditions apply.

*Conditions Apply ~ wonder if there could ever be agreements on no dowry system or no female infanticide, instead of clan and lineage deals.

Published on ibnlive.com

Saturday , July 03, 2010 

Roshogolla in my mouth

I don't have to mind my language, for if I speak in Bangla, I am possibly using the sweetest words ever uttered on earth. Ever since a child, I was known to the fact that among all the languages in the world - Bengali (Bangla in Bengali) is the sweetest one and I am part of the community that speaks Bengali as its mother tongue.

The good old conviction became a reality just a few days ago when an unofficial result flooded social networking sites claiming, that 'Bengali' is the world's sweetest language.

If hearsay is to be believed - UNESCO had conducted an online survey (which is still unofficial and the results are yet to be made official) a couple of months back - and 'Bengali' won the banner of being the sweetest language ever. While 'Spanish' and 'Dutch' were, the second and third sweetest tongues respectively.

'Bangla'- the national language for Bangladeshis in Bangladesh and 'mother tongue' for all Bengalis in India (who are originally from West Bengal) and those who are dwelling elsewhere in the world -- the unconfirmed report was a source of self-importance for all Bangla speakers in the world.

Well, languages can act as a fence if you don't comprehend it but sometimes you don't have to understand it fully to catch hold of what it means!

I am reminded of being an onlooker to a minor scuffle that broke between a typical bhodrolok (who was touring in Delhi, maybe) and a local vendor. The bhodrolok was unwilling to pay the hefty sum of money that the vendor had asked for. Then, while paying the vendor the asked money ... the bhodrolok said a typical slang in Bangla, (which had me into splits) the vendor then said - 'Darunn! Hum sab samajte hai sahab' (Excellent! we understand it all, sir)

I guess, the vendor understood more than its literal meaning.

Yet, one thing is to be believed - when you dive into an alien land...you cannot resist speaking in your mother tongue, however professional and practical you outwardly seem to be. Besides, when you actually get your community's bhai bandhu ... your joys seek no bounds. It is a relief. It is a sense of belonging! The truth is that I have received maximum discounts (by simply highlighting my Bengali origins and by speaking the sugarcoated language); of course, from the shopkeepers who have Bengali roots...From, Delhi's CR Park Market to the West Bengal and Bangladesh stalls at the Trade Fair...prices came plunging down.

Bengali is written exactly the way it is spoken, so being a phonetic language it is very easy to learn, read, and speak. Nevertheless, I have noticed that some Bengalis have acute pronunciation and grammar problems while speaking in Hindi. I am no exception.

I still don't understand why for everything we have feminine and masculine genders in Hindi. I mean, why is gaddi (vehicle) a female ...? Why is it aati hai and not aata hai? 

Tell me why 'phool' (a flower) or 'gussaa' (anger) are of masculine gender in Hindi.

Strangely, I also learned that 'jeb' (pocket) is feminine and 'juda' (hair bun) is masculine. Why?

Likewise, even my North-Indian friends argue -- why every eatable and drinkable item in Bangla is 'khabo' (eat)

'And how can water/tea/coffee be khabo?' 'Why can't it be peebo...?'

I have heard this many times. Moreover, for the umpteenth time - peebo is no word in Bangla.

I am sure that there is some logic behind all this Hindi grammar but it drives me nuts and I am yet to learn it.

There is no denying that the fusion of many regional languages enriches our country's ethnicity. It might be difficult to learn and speak all languages...but whatever one speaks, (by birth/work/interest) should try to do so with utmost knack.

As for me, I just want to master the grammar of 'spoken Hindi'... for I don't ever want to repeat (which I did in the middle of a fiery argument) my biggest howler - 'Don't instigate me. Mujhe gussaa bahut aati hai'

Yeah! When it is too much of gussaa (anger) in me... the 'Roshogolla' in my mouth steadily pops out...sometimes, leading the way to yet another crackling slip-up!

If you still smile and call it 'Sweet', I don't mind it.

Published on ibnlive.com

Friday , May 07, 2010

Colour my name transparent

'My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist' is what Rizwan Khan, (the protagonist Shah Rukh Khan's character) keeps repeating throughout the film My Name Is Khan.

I watched the two-hour-and-forty minutes film this Thursday. Brilliant performances by all those involved, but the film was overall a bit too designed and predictable.

Yet, there's one thing that really struck me and made me write this piece. Rizwan Khan wants to go to the U.S. President to tell him that his last name is Khan and that all the Khans or Muslims in this world, are not terrorists. An answer to all the racial discrimination that Muslims and Indians are subjected to... be it in the U.S. or Australia.

I wondered if this could also be an answer to all our countrymen and their biases.

Don't you think that even our native land is full of such unfairness? Not just Muslims but religious prejudices/favouritism as a whole.

A few occurrences from the recent past that disappointed all of us-

1. Actor Emran Hashmi couldn't buy a property in Mumbai's Pali Hills and was denied a no-objection certificate. 'Do I look like a terrorist?' posed Hashmi to all the media channels that went to report. Hashmi might not be one of the leading Khans of Bollywood, but certainly, nobody can deny him the right to have accommodation, and if something like this happened to an actor, I am sure many commoners' stories go unnoticed and unreported.

2. The residents of the Bengali-dominated Chittaranjan Park in South Delhi had opposed the allotment of land to a non-Bengali Buddhist organisation merely because they wanted to retain the land as a permanent venue for Durga Puja. The Delhi High Court had rightfully dismissed the plea of the residents perpetuating the very concept of national integration on the eve of Republic Day.

An unwarranted religious and language partiality for Bengalis was felt by one and all. I am a Bengali, and to me, this was certainly uncalled for.

3. Some time back, the MNS had wanted all cabbies to know Marathi or they might go inoperative in Mumbai. Also, Thackeray's discrimination towards North Indians is quite prevalent. 

4. The recent IPL controversy where none of the Pakistani players were picked up at the auction. The injustice was sensed worldwide.

5. There was a report last week from Gujarat where the house-resettling (displaced by the Sabarmati project) for 20,000 families had been interrupted because the Hindus didn't want to move into Muslim-majority colonies and Muslims to Hindu-majority areas. They were allotted houses through a random draw of lots.

On a personal front too, I am stumped over a few unreasonable preferences.

- I vividly remember how a family in our society was denied a rented house in a Jains' lane. The family's non-vegetarian fondness had them pay for it.

- A close friend once told me that his parents had strictly ordered him not to fall in love with a Muslim girl. And, if he did, it would never culminate in marriage.

Now, this is something that I know exists widely. I know of many people who have this thought practice. Do correct me if you think I am wrong.

Farah Anwar Pandith- Obama's special representative to Muslim communities has her task well outlined. She wants to change the outlook that the world has of Muslims and also wants to tell the Muslim world that America isn't all that bad.

Don't know if she will succeed in what she aims for.

However, I think it has to start with you and me. Globally, the process of change might begin but if it doesn't come down to the society we live in... it is futile.

I fondly remember as a child, I and all the kids in the neighbourhood would enjoy splashing and colouring each other on Holi...without bearing in mind somebody's last name.

Have a colorful Holi. 

Published on ibnlive.com

Tuesday , March 02, 2010 

(K)Not in third decade

There are very few occurrences in life where a woman reveals her actual age... one of these is the time when the nuptial bells come ringing!

As one matures, the add-on numbers to the age starts giving many a conspicuous thought...For the last three times I have been celebrating my 22nd birthday, guessing it would play its intended trick. Of course, such guesses don't go the proposed way.

Like most career-oriented girls, I too never pondered on the - right marriageable age.

Little did I know that the thinking part was not just my and my parents' headache but that the seniors of the family and the closest relatives had a very central role to play. And they participate so well that you are bound to make a firm decision. A choice that is well-thought-out and practical. Besides, if you are single and not seeing someone, you better be prompt with your pronouncement.

Something like this happened to me the last to last week. My Pishi (Paternal Aunt) from Singapore, had asked my parents to send her my resume which she would further send to a certain Mr. X's family in the same country - The guy is handsome, earns well, is financially settled, and importantly, is typical a bhalo bangali chele (a good Bengali boy)... When Maani (that's what I call my mother) asked me to at least get my resume updated so that it can be sent... I went all puzzled and had almost lost it.

Now, how on earth am I supposed to write a 'matrimonial resume'?

Personal details can add up as my personal assets, Past experience instead of work experience, strengths and weaknesses can highlight strong and weak points on a different association altogether and my dear friends as Referees - with loads of 'I can cook very well with a handy cook' 'Can give utensils extra shine with a nice dishwasher' 'Good at household chores with a maid around' etc ---- and whoa! My resume was almost ready... just that I never sent it.

'I need five more years and a little clarity of the responsibilities involved' - Is what I communicated to my parents and Pishi, plus the package of relatives. They had many questions to ask me but had only one way out -that I should get married before I hit 30. Period. My parents however told me that they'll be ready whenever I am mentally set for it.

Thankfully, it was nothing but an episode to ponder and I did just that.

Donning my parents' cap I understood that it's perhaps important to get married before one strikes the third decade of one's life - for reasons that I seriously don't want to identify with.

-It is usually difficult for a woman in her 30s to conceive and have a hassle-free childbirth.

Besides, a woman if dearly friends with her husband and in-laws, can lead a more satisfying and comfortable life... with the man being equally supportive of the wife's career.

If only I had not known some women in their mid-30s conceiving and giving birth to a perfectly healthy baby,  I would have given it a contemplation right away. Taking off the cap...had started flashing a thousand social obligations.

I don't have a non-constructive approach towards the institution of marriage and its blessings. Just that I am a little baffled over a few things.

-Would I be able to enjoy as much liberty as I have at my parents' place today?

-Would there be an equal division of work ---? I mean, the man also contributes to doing the household chores. Not that we don't have maids... but they don't make it a home. Do they?

-Do I have to 'compromise' on anything - something that I didn't do all these years.

-Would I be able to keep my name as it is - not changing my last name or adding a new one? Well, this one's pretty tricky.

In pointing out my opinion on marriage, please understand that I don't just uphold the pros for late marriages. I believe that a little late marriage can give you that extra time to financially settle down - giving way to your personal and career growth.

'February' being the most romantic month of the year, can be quite a dry month for some singletons like me... since we all have that Bollywood streak in us - pining for Mr. Right... and, we shall never quit.

As for marriage, it will happen when it has to - no age in particular, just that there should be strong emotional and mental compatibility. And, if the cupid's arrow strikes you hard, no age would be too early or late to marry your soul mate.

Maybe, I should plan a tour to Pishi's place this summer. 

Anyway, have a lovely Valentine's Day this Sunday. Please don't get threatened by the anti-Valentine activists.

Published on ibnlive.com 

Saturday , February 13, 2010