Only if love is honoured

The past few weeks have witnessed a string of honour killing cases, with a new twist in the cases surfacing almost everyday. From Haryana to the country's capital and from newspapers' front-pages to breaking news on hourly TV bulletins.

Honour killing as we all understand it, is when a family member murders another member because it is assumed that s/he has brought disrespect or dishonour to the family.

How do such killings bring honour to the family is something not understood.

While watching Dibakar Banerjee's LSD this March, I had doubted his first segment that dealt with LOVE and honour killing (where the girl's family killed the eloped and married couple, with the father masterminding it), thinking that not many cases like this happen today and the mindset of people has transformed largely. Certainly, I was wrong. The months that followed have made this issue even more significant.

The usual problem in all these cases is same-gotra marriages (marriages within the same gotra). I was never interested in learning what gotras (clans) are and their importance in Hindu marriages...until a friend became the subject.

This friend of mine comes from a well-to-do family. She herself is doing well professionally, and so are both of her parents. She had known her boyfriend for the past few years and never hid this from her parents. Now, when they wanted to get married... the parents of both sides told the duo that since they belong to the same gotra, the marriage would not happen.

A full-on drama was almost on its way, when the duo threatened their respective parents that if marriage wouldn't materialise, they would elope and get married.

Well, as of now, the parents of both sides have agreed to the marriage, and the wedding has already been scheduled for this November.

But seriously, hasn't the outlook really changed?. Do we still follow the tradition of discouraging same-gotra marriages?

Research indicates that the maximum number of honour killings happen in the north Indian states - Haryana being the iron grip. And the only people who could have tried bringing a positive attitude among the people of Haryana were its Chief Ministers.

Unfortunately, they have only asked for amendments in the Hindu Marriage Act favouring a ban on the same-gotra marriages. Even the present CM Bhupinder Singh Hooda is against same-gotra marriages.

Also, the Khap Panchayats' (caste councils) demand that sa-gotra and same-village marriages should constitutionally be banned in the country - got full support from Congress MP from Kurukshetra, Navin Jindal (who is foreign-educated and an industrialist too) who praised them for keeping up with the tradition.

If this remains to be the state of affairs then I am sure such killings would go on endlessly... many more would be burnt alive, tortured to death and electrocuted. Sadly, the family members who are supposed to protect their children from any danger, become their biggest enemies. More such statements would make newspaper headlines - 'samaj ke liye murder zaroori tha' ~ 'murder was a requisite for the society'

What is it with the society? You have to kill your children just to save your honour in society?... As if, you save or gain more honour by killing them...  I only pity the fate of those who bravely love and get killed for it.

Perhaps, we are now ready for a special law to deal with honour killings.  

I have discussed this issue with many people, and it is very likely that if it is an arranged marriage, the parents would definitely look for someone who is not from the common lineage. The reason is something called tradition.

I guess, in that case, everyone should confirm the gotra of the other person first and then fall in love.

If playing with the purest emotion like this, gives rise to honour killings, then undoubtedly it is dishonourable and we must all condemn such belief.

After all, love can never be with - *conditions apply.

*Conditions Apply ~ wonder if there could ever be agreements on no dowry system or no female infanticide, instead of clan and lineage deals.

Published on ibnlive.com

Saturday , July 03, 2010